4 Ways to Identify Narcissistic Abuse in a Relationship
When most people think about abuse, their mind travels to physical or sexual abuse. The physical scars that are left from this type of abuse may fade, but the emotional toll it takes on a person's life is profound. However, more types of abusive situations can leave figurative scars on a person's mental health and life. Narcissistic abuse is one of these situations.
Recognizing narcissistic abuse in a relationship isn't always easy. This is due to the fact that it encompasses many different forms of abusive or toxic situations. Before we can talk about how to spot signs of narcissistic abuse, let's talk about what exactly is narcissism.
Narcissism Explained
A popular concept of a narcissist is that they are someone who loves themself and has an inflated ego. But, narcissism is much more complex than that.
Some common personality traits of a narcissist include:
Lack of empathy for others
Inherent need for admiration and validation from others
Feeling as if they are the most important person in the room and to others in their lives
Believing that they deserve special treatment
Narcissistic Abuse in a Relationship
The following four are the most common signs of narcissistic abuse, but we will also include a shorter list.
1. Verbal Abuse
The saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me," needs to be retired immediately. While you may not feel physical pain with verbal abuse, it can still very much hurt. Narcissists employ this type of abuse to feel superior to other people. There are many different signs of verbal abuse, which include:
Bullying
Blaming
Shaming
Demanding
Interrupting
Undermining
Sarcastic comments
Threatening
Note that just because these things happen in a relationship does not automatically make it narcissistic abuse. You should, however, tread carefully and try to keep note of the frequency, context, or intention behind the comment. If these things happen frequently or are said with malicious intent, it could be a sign of narcissistic abuse.
2. Manipulation
Narcissists will manipulate anyone in order to feel superior and get their own way with matters. They may be overly complimentary or passive-aggressive in order to accomplish this.
At times, a narcissist may employ emotional blackmail, such as threats, warnings, and punishments. Which ultimately coerces someone to go along with what they are being asked to do. They will also have no problem lying to do these things, either.
3. Gaslighting
Gaslighting has become a popular buzzword over the past few years thanks to social media. Gaslighting, however, is a very serious and toxic form of narcissistic abuse. A narcissist will gaslight someone to instill a sense of distrust in oneself and can make someone feel as if their sense of reality is wrong or misguided. Again, it's a way for a narcissist to feel superior to other people and to make others believe that they are in fact, superior.
They may say things like, "This is your fault this happened." "That never happened," "I'm sorry that you think I hurt you."
4. Lack of Affection
Narcissists are best known for having no empathy towards other people, including people with whom they have a relationship.
They withhold affection, sex, money, or any other number of things. The flip side of the coin is that they don't want someone to have any of those things, at all. So they will also employ manipulation tactics to isolate someone away from their friends and family because they want to be the only person their partner truly has in their life. Again, to make them feel superior.
Other Signs
There are other signs of narcissistic abuse, including:
Sabotage
Competing with you
Objectifying you
Exploiting you
Neglect
Privacy invasion/disrespecting boundaries
What to Do
Narcissistic abuse is very serious and should not be taken lightly. Please reach out to us to learn about couples therapy and how to either break this cycle or break yourself free.